Wow.. It’s been a long time. My goal this year is to be more involved with posting, but I’m struggling with ideas. If you guys are able to request topics or share your story, please do! It’s such a powerful motivator for me and helps me to continue posting.
For this post, I wanted to detail my journey with grief. I’ve seen a popular influencer that embodied positivity recently pass away, and the online reaction is so powerful. For those who recently had a loved one, friend, or role model pass away, this one is for you.
Grief has never been a linear progression. The first time I was forced to mourn was in 7th grade (2020), where I lost a prominent father figure in my life to cancer — my grandfather. Though this can be seen as a “cliche” struggle, it was much more than that for me. He was my rock and foundation, and honestly the safest person for me to go at that time. The next person I lost was my friend, in sophomore year (2024), to a train. The difference for such an incident? It was momentary, no warning or time to acclimate, like I could with my grandfather — forcing a heavier period of grief for me.
Now that you know my story, I wanted to share some personal tips that have helped me move through both of these tragedies. First, I want to say that the journey is not linear. People say grief comes in waves, which is so true. You can experience happiness one second, and then be sobbing in a bathroom stall the next. There are no guidelines that tell you when to get “over it,” because you really can’t ever be. Years down the line, you will still feel flashbacks. The only thing that changes is how much you let it affect you.
The initial mourning period is where feelings are the strongest, with anger and depression being at an all time high. You question their sickness, their reason for leaving, and you might feel it so incredibly selfish for them to leave you like this. Or — you are so despaired by the loss, isolating yourself, wallowing in a pit of grief, thinking that nothing will ever be the same again. The truth is, you could’ve never controlled their fate, you couldn’t have stopped it. It wasn’t your fault.
Even now, recounting my experiences, I am still affected by the loss. It truly is important to understand that you cannot hide the grief, or bury it, because it will bottle up and EXPLODE. Talking with those who have also experienced the tragedy you have is so incredibly helpful, because they are probably feeling the same thing. Do not succumb yourself to isolation in fear of further loss, because the only thing you will lose is yourself.
The biggest tips I have are being kind to yourself, ask for help, and allow yourself to feel whatever comes to mind. Even if it seems completely contradictory, it is still an expression of grief, and deserves to be acknowledged. You have done nothing wrong, and punishing yourself will never progress anything. Practice self-care, surround yourself with loved ones, and continue to feel whenever needed (even if it’s 5 years later in the middle of dinner).
Mental Health Matters 